Redefining Success: Purpose, Legacy, and Making Better Decisions with Paul Epstein

Unlock the doors to a profound understanding of success with the wisdom of Paul Epstein, a man whose illustrious career spans high-profile sports organizations and best-selling publications. This episode promises an enlightening journey through Paul's "piñata principle," a philosophy that advocates for the power of perseverance, the importance of effort over immediate rewards, and the pitfalls of external validation. We traverse the landscape of true confidence, examining how it's built not on societal benchmarks but on a foundation of purposeful action and core values.

Prepare to be captivated as we navigate the complexities of life's "yellow lights" with Paul's strategic insights, guiding us through better decision-making and impactful choices. His remarkable storytelling about his father's enduring legacy as an educator who saw potential in the dismissed echoes the theme that success is truly measured by the lives we touch. This episode isn't just about advice; it's about transforming your perspective on wealth, fulfillment, and the lasting significance of the legacy we leave behind.

By the end of our conversation, you'll be equipped with practical frameworks that foster ownership of your actions and encourage a life of purpose and impact. Paul's latest book, "Better Decisions Faster," takes center stage as we explore its principles for enhancing the quality of our decisions and, consequently, our lives. We wrap up with a powerful reminder from Paul: the most profound success isn't found in personal gain but in the positive change we create in the world. Join us to redefine what it means to truly succeed and to live a life that resonates with passion and purpose.

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Transcript

Carl Richards: 0:00

Thank you, Matt, and welcome to another edition of the Speaking of Speaking podcast. We have so many great guests that want to come on the show and, wow, today we have a heavy hitter indeed Paul Epstein. We welcome to the show. He has spent nearly 15 years as a professional sports executive for multiple NFL and NBA teams, a global sports agency and the NFL League office as well, where he has broken every premium revenue metric in Super Bowl history, opened a billion dollar stadium and founded the San Francisco 49ers Talent Academy, where he became known as the Y Coach. There's a lot of credibility, I'd say, to what Paul will be sharing today, as an award-winning keynote speaker named one of Success Magazine's top thought leaders that get results.

Carl Richards: 0:42

Paul's impact continues offstage, providing leadership development and cultural transformation programs for companies and teams, including Amazon, Disney, Johnson Johnson, NASA, the LA Lakers and the Dallas Cowboys as well, and his work has been featured on ESPN, NBC, Fox, Business and USA Today. He is also a best-selling author, author of the Power of Playing Offense. Paul, welcome to the podcast. Yeah, fired up to be here. It's great to have you here. It's such a litany of creds that you have behind your name. Oh my goodness, where do I start Like, oh my goodness, how do you get all that behind your name?

Paul Epstein: 1:18

It's probably due to hard work 100%, and I know we're on audio right now, but you personally can see my video and so you can vouch for this. Over one of my shoulders on the wall is a piñata and I call it the piñata principle, which it helps that I have proud Mexican roots, so I still remember from a young childhood day. And just, you get blindfolded and then you're swinging the bat and you're swinging the bat and the beauty is it goes along the lines of give without keeping score. I just hit the piñata every day of my life and I don't expect the candy, Like I'm not anticipating the candy coming out. So when you talk about grit, work ethic, tenacity, perseverance, like a lot of those flashy things that you said, as far as trophies, success, accolades, it did not come easy, but I've always had this underdog type of mentality. And when you say work ethic, like dude, I'm hitting the piñata every day and the rest of the world talks about the candy and I just focus on hit the piñata and don't take a day off.

Carl Richards: 2:26

I think that's one of the big things that we lose sight of sometimes, and I'm glad you mentioned that, because over the years I've worked with a lot of want to be speakers, business owners who want to level up their A game when it comes to speaking or leadership, and it seems like that's what they're doing they're focusing on the wrong things, they're looking at the end result and they want that. Now they want the candy without having to put in all the hours and go through the heartache that comes along with that, because, as you're aiming for the piñata and you miss, sometimes it's a crapshoot right.

Paul Epstein: 2:56

Yeah, you could swing and miss. That's one, but I actually think, well, there's a couple of analogies we could play with here. One is I hit the piñata, but I'm only happy if the candy comes out, so that's a problem. The other one is I never swung the bat. So either you're not doing the work or you're being indecisive, or you're struggling from paralysis and, trust me, we all have. I am as much of a prisoner and I'm susceptible.

Paul Epstein: 3:22

Frankly, my new book, better Decisions Faster, which at the time we're recording this, became an instant bestseller, the whole thing. But the reason that it did was it helped people avoid the worst decision of them all, which is indecision, and we've all suffered from that. And why? Because we're worried about a negative outcome. We're worried it's not going to work out. We're worried about what other people are going to think we're not really living and leading, maybe speaking on our terms, and all of these different things. And so I just really drilled life down now to it's a game of decisions and actions, and whether you take action or not, it's a decision, and so let's make those decisions better and faster. And, yeah, I think that's really the key piece about this. Piñata principle is like A. It's not about the candy, but actually I'll take a slight left turn here, Carl.

Paul Epstein: 4:13

I'll share a vulnerable story out of the gates, because you've already mentioned both books, and I'll tell you that I could describe the way I feel right now, fresh off of a book launch, and we crushed it in all the stuff that the world cares about, like check, check and check right, like all the trophies are there and that's fine, but if I could describe the way I feel in two words, it would be at peace. I am at peace with the results. I'm at peace with the process. I'm at peace with the support. I'm at peace with the effort. I am at peace with my energy, my attitude, like I'm just at peace. However, I would not have said this fresh off of launching the power of playing offense, my first book.

Paul Epstein: 4:58

I was not at peace because all these things that I'm saying about the traps not to fall into, I fell. I fell hard. I thought that there was going to be this massive climax when the whole world tells you oh, first book, oh, my gosh brother, you became a bestselling author. How does it feel? And guess what? It felt amazing for a couple hours and then the next day, I'm looking at this imaginary confetti on the floor and it didn't feel magical anymore and I realized, oh my gosh, I fell into the external happiness trap. The all be happy when dot, dot, dot, and we've all been there.

Paul Epstein: 5:35

So I'm telling you, I am a victim of this stuff too, and so I needed to remind myself. Like here's the deal, though, I think we need to experience a little bit of pain. I think we need to feel a little bit of that hurt and have some of that regret, because if we don't even if I tell everybody, don't fall into the trap, sometimes you need to. I hope it's not a death trap, but I hope that it's a learning trap, I hope that it's an evolution trap, I hope that it's a growth trap, and that's what happened for me. So the reason I'm at peace is because I felt the exact opposite after my first book. How's that for an oncoming story there? There you go.

Carl Richards: 6:17

I think he hit the nail on the head, though Sometimes you have to touch the hot stove to be reminded that it's hot, it's not that you don't know, maybe when we're younger, when we're kids. Okay, that's a hard lesson learned, but I think there's the instant gratification. I think that's one of the challenges and it's spilling over into business. It's spilling over into leadership. Oh, if I hire the right team and everything will be happy with my business or whatever it is, if I just get that right speaking gig in front of 10,000 people.

Carl Richards: 6:42

It's going to make me a superstar. I love the analogy of how you felt, or how you didn't feel. You didn't feel at peace after writing your first book, because this is going back a few years, when I was in Toastmasters, which is where I got a lot of my formative years of speaking. I wanted that distinguished Toastmaster, that DTM, which at the time we thought it meant don't tie me. It actually did mean distinguished Toastmaster, and I wanted it so bad and I worked at it and I worked at it and I worked at it and I got it and then it felt good. For about what did you say? Three minutes, three days or something like that. Oh, my gosh, I remember going. Is that all there is? Is this how it feels to win an Academy Award? It's like, oh, I got an award, now what?

Paul Epstein: 7:23

That's kind of helped, felt Well, and, being a sports guy, the metaphor I'll draw everybody to is the goalposts keep moving further and further away. So in a job oh, I got promoted, now I make $5, and then guess what? Now you want 10 and then you want 20, so you'll never make it. Oh, you go from the apartment to the two-bedroom house, to the four-bedroom house, to the when is enough enough one car to the next one circle of People that you may not even love, but you're like, oh, it feels great to be in this. You always think I'll be happy when. So I think the sooner that we can accelerate our Genuine lives to the realization that you'll never make it, and that's okay, because making it is not the outcome, but society tells you that it is, and so we all fall into this external Happiness trap. But the reality is now, and there's like true science to this.

Paul Epstein: 8:23

I was listening to a podcast from I think it was Huberman, you know mindset, stanford, the whole deal, right, he's brilliant kind of in the neuroscience space and he described, probably 30 to 60 days after I fell into that external happiness trap, after the power of playing offense launched, he described something and I said oh, my gosh, dude, you just described what I went through, so here's basically what he said. He said we believe that dopamine, the chemical, only hits at the climax, in other words, when you get the raise, when you find the one, when you achieve best seller, when you land the massive Speaking, a biggest stage, brightest lights you've ever seen, and what the science actually tells you is sure there's some Dopamine at that climax, but the majority, if you're wired in the right way and you're optimized, there's dopamine in the entire journey. The problem is most of us Ignore because we're not aware, we're not looking, we're not seeking that Dopamine in the journey, because we think it's all about the pot of gold and the trophy at the end. So that's what happens to so many of us we're blind and oblivious and unaware and unconscious of the dopamine in the journey. And then when we get to the climax and we feel a little bit of dopamine and then it wears off by the next day, you just have this massive letdown like is this?

Paul Epstein: 10:01

It is this what life is all about, and that takes people into a negative Spiral. So I think the sooner we can realize that, yeah, the goalposts are gonna keep moving further away and instead of thinking about that as a bad thing, that you've never made it. Maybe it just means that you're on this endless pursuit of new goals and new ambitions and new dreams and new passions and new curiosities and new purposes and new impact drivers and new Significance elements, new legacy elements, like I just feel, like I am now at peace. There is no finish line, and the moment that I embrace that versus being disappointed by that, that's when I became the best version of myself.

Carl Richards: 10:43

So when you're working with coaches or when you're working with teams, then or is this something that you try and rewire, because it sounds like this is really what can hold a lot of us back?

Paul Epstein: 10:52

Yeah, whether it's society, whether it's our jobs, our industries, our schools. I mean, look, I went to one of the top Executive MBA programs in the country and I could tell you that a lot of stuff that's taught in these programs it's all about not the all be happy when, but it really does reinforce it. You know, you can only say the word success so many times and you say it and you say it and then you start to believe it and then that's what impresses other people. So then you want to be more successful because then more people will be impressed. Or if you're a speaker, now you get the louder standing ovation and the bigger state and all like. It's just more, more and more success, success, success.

Paul Epstein: 11:33

And it's like that's not really what it's about, because if you think about the parts of your life that had everlasting happiness or joy or fulfillment, or you felt significance or greater purpose or greater impact, almost none of those things were baited in this moment or this trophy or this accolade or this promotion almost none of them. And so life to me is not about these moments, it's about this marathon and endless pursuits. Oh, to your question of what do I share, whether from stage or in my coaching work or training or consulting. I think it's this realization that real wealth is holistic, life is a holistic game, and so to over index in one area which, look, I work as many hours as Probably some of the busiest people in the world. So I'm not here to talk about work life balance and that I'm not here to talk about that.

Paul Epstein: 12:31

I'm here to talk about work life integration. I'm here to talk about work life harmony, because I now realize that if we're going to work over 100,000 hours and it's going to be how we spend the majority of our waking hours, it's not with our family, it's not with our friends, it's not having my ties on the beach in hawaii, it's not. I wish it was, but it's not. And so if that's the case, if the 100,000 hours is non-negotiable, what we choose to do with 100,000 hours is negotiable. And that's really where, when I come into a company, it's for them. I'm not saying, hey, go leave, go, take the lead, go, become an entrepreneur tomorrow. Sometimes that's what happens, but the majority of the time it's how do you optimize where you're at, what you're currently doing, the energy and the people that you surround yourself with? And if we can optimize for that, that's winning.

Carl Richards: 13:15

Would you say part of this is a journey through or a journey to confidence, then, is being confident in that journey and taking those steps.

Paul Epstein: 13:22

Yes, and confidence is a very tricky beast Because I used to have a very what all categorize now as an incorrect definition and perception of what it is. I used to think that confidence is like a light switch it's on or it's off. I'm either confident or I'm not. And I now realize that it is not a Light switch, it's a dimmer switch. It's not on or off, it's this current state of where you're at in this area of life.

Paul Epstein: 13:54

I'm an 82 in my confidence at work, but I might be a 52 in my confidence of my marriage or as a parent or as a friend, or in my health. Like the way I'm taking care of myself in the unseen hours might be a very different confidence score than the way that I feel when I'm leading a group of 500 amazing people and we run one of the best cultures and organizations in the world. Like that's a very different dynamic. And so confidence to me, I think there's a couple ways to think about it. For one, of course, the dimmer switch pendulum that I talked about. The other, is it real confidence, you know, because I think it's kind of that genesis of imposter syndrome too, or it's this whole fake until you make it, which I think is just total BS. Like I am not a fan of like.

Paul Epstein: 14:36

Whenever people say that I cringe, oh, you got to fake it till you make it, I'm like that's so inauthentic. I'd rather take longer and authentically do it on my terms than be some poser that just puts myself out there as like I don't need to lie to the public because then I'm lying to myself. And if you lie to yourself you're not living. And if you're not living you can never feel alive. And then oh, but I'm not happy, I'm not fulfilled. It's because you're trying to please other people, you know, like it's all these things that are external.

Paul Epstein: 15:06

And so confidence, there's two varieties Do you appear confident or are you authentically confident? I'm all in on authentic confidence and I have two chapters of life preauthentic confidence and postauthentic confidence and it was this life-changing retreat. It's the whole reason I took this Jerry McGuirely bad of sports and the whole deal and I'm happy to unpack the story. But regardless like, I understand what it's like to be just trying to please other people and live on other people's terms and not really have a sense of who I am on the inside. But once I got some of those data points dialed in of like all right, paul, this is you at your best, this is your why, these are your values, this is your purpose. And I got granular with that process. That's when I found myself.

Carl Richards: 15:54

It's interesting you express it like this, because nobody has broken down confidence to me. You're very confident in breaking it down this way. I really appreciate that, but nobody has defined it the way you have, which really leads me to wanting to talk about the process, I guess you could say, of building what you term as unshakable confidence and optimal wellbeing, cheryl, how that all comes together for you.

Paul Epstein: 16:17

Absolutely. And so, while we're on the topic of confidence, I'll say that I believe that confidence is the ante to play for how we can be more confident in our decision-making and our action-taking. And so, with that as a segue and a big piece here and I know we'll probably bring it up later in the show but because we have been jamming on confidence, if I'm listening to this I'm thinking well, I wanna know exactly where I stand in my confidence. And for me, that's really why I built over the course of years, with my entire team, we built and curated a confidence quiz that takes less than five minutes and it gives you a score of one to a hundred. But remember, when you take that quiz and you get that confidence score, that's just your data point of the confidence you have today. But it's a dimmer switch. And so in 82, the goal has become an 83, an 84, an 85. If you're a 58, how do you get to 60? How do you level up to 65? So it's not a judgment thing, it's not a be hard on yourself thing, it's cool. That's where I'm at in this moment. Dimmer switch, let's bring it up. It's not your off and you need to become on. It's. How do you raise it? One percent at a time, dimmer switch, and so all of that. Of course, paulefsteenspeakscom main nav bar hit the confidence quiz. That's where you find it.

Paul Epstein: 17:34

Coming back to the decision-making, because you talked about optimal wellbeing, and here's the process of how we make better decisions faster. I call it the head, heart, hands equation. The equation is head plus heart equals hands. If I could define each in a word head is your mindset, heart is your authenticity, hands are action. So head is mindset, heart is authenticity, hands are action. The equation is head plus heart equals hands. In other words, when deciding whether to use your hands, whether to take action, there's two checkpoints head and heart. Head do I think it's a good idea, heart, do I feel it's a good idea? And just like when you're pulling up to a traffic signal, you know exactly what to do Green is go, red is stop, yellow is assess. And that's how the equation works. So when you're heading your heart, or on board, it's a green freaking light 10 out of 10 times, go, take action. Flip side no head, no heart. Red light, no action, don't do it or stop doing it. And then, when one of the two head or heart is on board. Well, that's the yellow light. So when I write a book like Better Decisions Faster, it's to inspire more green lights in our lives. It's to create awareness so finally we can stop running reds. And then the yellow, which is so hard and so tricky and so messy. Better Decisions Faster is the playbook for how to conquer and navigate the messy middle of yellow. That's why I wrote the book.

Paul Epstein: 19:16

So how does this come back to confidence and wellbeing? Well, in a go, go, go, do, do, do world. I think we use our head and hands a whole lot. It's often the heart that we bypass. We're not checking in. Is this truly how I feel? Is this project, this initiative, this job, this person, is this real to me? Do I genuinely want it? And if you don't, well then your heart's not gonna change day to day and week to week. You're not waking up tomorrow with a new heart, ladies and gentlemen, we're just not.

Paul Epstein: 19:50

And so this head, heart, hands equation is a beautiful, fast burst formula to say if your heart is not on board, it's either a red or a yellow that will never become a green.

Paul Epstein: 20:02

It's the biggest dead end, and you might dedicate months or years of your life into this bad yellow or this red, but when we find those things where the heart is on board, now, it's authentic, it's real, it's true, and only with authenticity can we be confident. Genuine, authentic confidence, not the fake confidence to put out there to the world or on social media. No, is this you? Are you living on your terms? Are you saying yes to the things that truly fuel your heart and soul? That's when your heart is on board, and so that's really kind of the dynamic that I wanna bring to the table here. Is you wanna talk about confidence? You wanna talk about wellbeing? Well, that only happens when your heart is engaged, and so the beauty of this equation is it forces you to check in with your heart. Otherwise, you'll never have a green light life, and that's what we all want.

Carl Richards: 20:57

I love it. It sounds like, though, whether it be due to just the technology in the world today or the fact that we spent so much time on social media that we're in that head and hands place. It's gotta be hard to get out of that space, though, and start using your heart more.

Paul Epstein: 21:14

Very hard. And the beauty of the equation is, you know, people say cause it's so memorable. And especially with green, yellow, red, like after speeches oh head, heart, hands, oh green, yellow, red, all the stuff and especially after adult beverages, people have a lot more fun with it.

Paul Epstein: 21:27

So I know that it's sticking in a very cool way. But here's the thing it's simple, it's not easy. Head, heart, hands, green, yellow, red simple, it's not easy. The reality is, most of the decisions that keep us up at night, most of the decisions where we feel massive stress and anxiety and tension, most of the decisions that lead to paralysis or indecision, they're yellow lights. You know greens and reds are pretty much about awareness. I want more of one and I need to stop running the other one. Thanks, paul, for making us aware of it. Move on.

Paul Epstein: 22:03

The playbook and a lot of the depth of it comes from how do you navigate and conquer the yellow lights? And the reality of that is not all yellows are created equal. You know, if it's only your head that's on board, there's one strategy for that. If only your heart is on board, there's a different strategy for that. And it wasn't until writing the book and delivering the speeches and really engaging this into my podcast and the coaching and the training and the consulting and all the stuff and all the beverages and the coffees and I mean just life.

Paul Epstein: 22:35

And I'll tell you, one of the beauties is you can apply this in an instant and within seconds you get to a green, yellow or red. That may not be the finish line of the process, but at least now you can label this person or this thing or this initiative as a green, yellow or red. And now you're clear. And now you're playing a green game or a yellow game which yellow is a game or it's a red game, and that's just such a power play, because now I understand it's kind of like going to Vegas and like you're playing you know, let's say it's poker Like what we're doing through this equation is, you're now playing the game with open face cards. You're not always going to win, but at least now you have full visibility and transparency into the game, into the hurdles, into the obstacles, into what's going to get in between you and winning. At least now I know versus. I think a lot of times when we're ignoring our heart, it's just like looking at the backside of cards.

Carl Richards: 23:33

Wow, you've got me thinking I need to play a different game. Maybe it's in Vegas, maybe I have to do that, but no, seriously, not a bad place.

Carl Richards: 23:42

Head, heart hands Wow, that's a great way to describe it, and you're right, it sounds really simple, but it's not an easy thing to do, especially because we've spent so much time in this headspace or this action just going through the motions of doing it. Do you find there's a time? Is it after six months? You're thinking more with the heart, the head still contributing. How much time being a very important thing, but how long is this process I get to make sure everything is firing or that we're using the equation the right way?

Paul Epstein: 24:13

Absolutely For one. Let's get a foundation here. Part of what I studied in the research of decision making, and this part freaked me out. This is such a scary number to me. The average adult makes 35,000 decisions in a day 35,000. That freaked me out. So let me start off by saying this Please do not use the head, heart, hands equation 35,000 times. We will literally and physically explode. So the beauty is 95 plus percent are on autopilot. We don't need an equation for the autopilots. Turn left in the driveway, brush your teeth, no equation needed. But where you do need it sports metaphor we know what MVPs are most valuable players. I call these your MVDs, your most valuable decisions. So if they've got higher stakes, higher consequence, higher value, higher importance, they mean more, they matter more. Yes, use the head, heart, hands equation. And so, if you made that your first rule, is this decision important to me? If yes, 100%. Use the equation Now, let's assume, because now you're going to be forced to check in with your heart.

Paul Epstein: 25:30

So you're creating a habit, you're creating a process and a system and a ritual. Great, now, once you check in with your heart, here's how that looks If you know that if your heart is out, your heart is not engaged. Your heart does not think this thing or this person or this job or whatever is a good idea. Well, that's never going to become a green. So at that point, you've got a couple of decisions to make. Is it something you just walk away from immediately, or is it something that you need to build an action plan to remove yourself from this never going to be a green light? Here's a real example. You could say, well, I know this isn't the job for me, but your head says, well, you need the money and you've got a family and you've got to be responsible. So in that case, even though your heart knows the truth and it knows your authentic feel, it might be irresponsible to make a big decision the next day. However, what if the decision wasn't to leave the job tomorrow? What if the decision was I now know this isn't the job for me, or this is the wrong client for me, but they're 80% of my revenue, or whatever? We could fill in any other example we want, but your heart is never going to be in. So this is a very slow death of a yellow. So, knowing there's an exit plan, it's a plan. And so what if?

Paul Epstein: 26:41

If it was a job, I would say, okay, every night, do a little bit of research on potential opportunities. What are the industries, what are the jobs, what are the roles that you're curious about? What are your passions? How can you engage with more happiness, enjoy in terms of what you do, because you know that you're totally in the wrong space. So it's the research, it's the coffee meetings, it's the informational interviews with people and a potential. That's still action. Your hands are still moving and they're helping you get rid of this bad yellow. And so that's a real example of like. I'm not telling people to pull massive triggers right away, but notice, I didn't say better decisions fast, I said better decisions faster. So it might take you nine months, but it won't be never, because you're creating these baby steps, these micro actions, right. And then here's the other way I think about yellow lights too.

Paul Epstein: 27:35

So I used to lead massive sales teams and oftentimes top producers, top performers. They sell the most widgets, so your head loves them. It's like, wow, we've got to keep them right Because we love the performance, we love the production, and I've got goals and pressures and expectations and I want to get promoted. And this person they make the Excel spreadsheet look better, okay. So your head says keep them. But what if they're really difficult to manage? And what if they're negative every day?

Paul Epstein: 28:05

And now it's starting to spread to your team. Your head still because of the pressures, says keep them. But your heart knows they're not a keeper. And so you keep them because business is so much of a head game. And then one, two, three, four years go by and then now you realize your culture is all screwed up. You've got some engagement problems and your best people are like screw this, I don't want to be in this environment. So they bounce. So now you've got retention problems and then the marketplace starts to hear that you're not a great place to work. So now you got recruiting problems. And I always come into situations like this as a consultant and I say you think you have an engagement problem or retention problem or recruiting problem. You actually have a yellow light problem.

Carl Richards: 28:50

What advice can you give to speakers who are listening to this show, hearing to us talk about confidence red light, green light, amber light what advice can you share with them in this moment to maybe help them up their A game when they're on the stage?

Paul Epstein: 29:09

When I was goals driven, which I've had chapters of my career where I was even as a speaker. There's no amount of performance that's going to get leveled up if I solely focus on the goal versus when I focus on a standard and standards. We could redefine those as values. My strongest core value is impact. My definition of impact is making a difference and how I measure that is am I leaving people in places better than I found them? And so when I am on stage and the reason I've prepped pinata analogy, the reason I do the work and hit the pinata in the unseen hours, is because I would fall on the sword for impact and when I think about the blessing of being able to inspire and educate and transform and pour myself into people so that they can become the best version of themselves, maybe they're entering that room not in a confident state, but if I can level that up and take their dimmer switch up, what a beautiful privilege and responsibility that is for me to be able to do that. But that's not where I'm going to end the story, because this sounds inspiring, but I need to explain why impact is so important to me. Impact is my most important value because my dad was a person of impact and my dad is my hero and I lost my hero at 19 years old, so by trade. He was a continuation high school teacher, which, if you're not familiar with continuation, it's a kid's last chance. They've been kicked out of traditional school time and time again. They land here, next up is the streets, and so you're dealing with folks that have been given up on and they've had rough childhoods, upbringings, households, you name it, just sad, sad circumstances. And they end up here and my dad chose that environment. After teaching in traditional schools for years, he said I can make a greater impact at a continuation. So, years after he passes, I'm in a barber shop not too far away from the school that he taught at and in walks in this seven foot tall tattooed man, like bulging, like somebody that if you saw in a dark alley you would run the other way, and he and I we lock eyes and he's coming right at me and I see his hand go up and I fully expected to see a fist, but instead I saw a finger, a finger that was pointing right at me and he said are you Mr Epstein's son? I said yeah, he goes. Yeah, I thought it was you.

Paul Epstein: 31:59

You were on the side of the stage that I graduated from and, anyways, I just wanted to come over and say thank you, because your dad was the first person that ever believed in me. Thank you, your dad gave me a reason to think that tomorrow is worth it, but until this moment, I never knew that there are people in this world that don't think that tomorrow is worth it, and so that's when I learned the real definition of leadership. That's where I realized the power of what happens when you believe in people more than they believe in themselves. This is when I started to feel what impact looks like on the other side, and if my dad was a person of impact, if I could have one-tenth of his impact, then it'll be a great life, and for that reason, his legacy has become my purpose. So you ask me, carl, how do you level up your stage performance?

Paul Epstein: 32:54

I feel like every single stage is an opportunity to make my hero proud, and I feel like, if I can make him proud, then the domino effect of how many people I can better their lives that are sitting out there in row 20, seat eight or standing in the back of the room and maybe they're distracted and they're texting and they're sending emails, but then we connect and they put their phone away and they lock in and I end every keynote with this story about my dad and I say he's the biggest green light of my life, and then I invite them to dedicate the rest of this year and what they're going to do differently on Monday morning for their green light, for their hero.

Paul Epstein: 33:40

And you want to talk about stage performance. At that point, it's less about my content, it's less about my delivery. They're never going to forget the way I made them feel in that moment, and that's just one way that I would urge somebody to say what is your authentic story where you can change lives? For me, it's losing my dad, but that pain has connected to my purpose and that purpose drives my performance on stage.

Carl Richards: 34:07

You have unpacked so much in that last two or three minutes and wow, unbelievable. And any speaker, whether they're seasoned, whether they're just getting started, could learn a lot from what you just shared. So I want to give you the moment to talk about the book a little bit. Congratulations, by the way, on the second book. Tell me a little bit about the book.

Paul Epstein: 34:27

We've unpacked so much of it that for me, again, I really just believe that life is a game of decisions. And if you were to audit your past and say, for better or worse, have I made the best decisions in my career, in my relationships, in my health, in my friendships, with my time, with my priorities, with my money? I could keep going. But, needless to say, decisions are really important and when we can make consistent, good decisions, we have a better quality of life. But then, when we make worse decisions, the quality of our life suffers. So when I realize the connection between decision making and quality of life and isn't that what we're all after? Everyone listening to this wants a better quality of life, whatever that means to you and you could be one decision or the compounding effect of better decisions away from leveling up the quality of your life. So, knowing that when you do the honest audit of the impact of decisions for better or worse on the quality of your life, like well, this is important. So now the magic question is how do I do it? You can't just tell me better decisions faster and write off on the white horse, paul, Like come on, like hook me up, like give me a little, and that is where I started to do the audit of my best decisions, also my worst decisions, some decisions that it wasn't even about the negative outcome. Some of my worst decisions were indecision and I never swung the bat, and the level of regret that I'll never be able to get over because those situations are gone. And so you know, you think about these things of all right as a leader, decision fatigue, decision overwhelm as an individual, paralysis and indecision, and it haunts us all. And so, knowing how critical decisions are and knowing the challenges and the pain points that are in all of our lives, I wanted to be a part of the solution and I said if we could provide a memorable, impactful, simple and approving framework for how to make better decisions faster, then this is going to be a better world. And I want to help build a better world.

Paul Epstein: 36:38

And so out comes, years later, a playbook called Better Decisions Faster, and how we do it is the head, heart, hands equation, which we've already talked about, and so I believe in a world of more green lights. I want to create the awareness so that we stop running reds because, carl, you know this a lot of the challenges that people face as speakers and beyond. I'm burned out, I'm stuck, I'm lost, I'm fatigued, I'm not happy, I'm not fulfilled and all of those things. That's not a byproduct of running one red light. That means you've been running red lights subconsciously for months or years and then you ask yourself how the heck did I get here? You never even knew you were running red lights, you never knew.

Paul Epstein: 37:24

So the book says more green and it creates awareness to stop running reds. And then, well, you're gonna have to get the book and dive into the book to figure out how to conquer and navigate the messy middle of yellow, because I believe that that's the biggest payoff. We all suffer from yellow lights and this process. The insights within the book, are exactly how you can conquer and navigate that messy middle of yellow.

Carl Richards: 37:47

Better Decisions Faster is the name of the book. We'll put the link in the show notes. Also, we'll put the link to the power of playing offense. I think we've talked about that a little bit today, but we'll make sure both links to both books are in the show notes as well. Congratulations, Paul, on book number two. I do wanna give you the opportunity, though, if there's something you'd like to pass along I don't know if it's the confidence quiz or something else you'd like to pass along to our listeners today to help elevate them, to maybe make better decisions faster. Whatever it is, Go ahead.

Paul Epstein: 38:15

Absolutely. Confidence quiz is 100% where I wanna guide folks. So paulepsteenspeakscom is the website main nav bar. You'll see confidence quiz and again that will give you a score in less than five minutes of one to 100. Also, it's going to share a resource. When you get that emailed result you'll receive the 12 keys of building and sustaining unshakable confidence, and that includes a journaling process that personally, has transformed my life. I coach it out to others. It is a values-driven process of journaling that in two minutes a week it can get you to become more confident in your decisions and actions. It's packed with a lot of resources and value. So again, paulepsteenspeakscom, hit that confidence quiz and then that'll keep us connected for the long haul journey. We're all just trying to fill our business in life with as many green lights as possible.

Carl Richards: 39:09

Thanks so much, paul. I appreciate it. We'll make sure that link is in the show notes as well. Paul Epstein has been my guest today. Paul, before I turn your loose to either write another book or solve another world's problem by making sure we're running the right lights, I'll leave the final thought to you.

Paul Epstein: 39:24

Standards over goals. I said it earlier but I'll say it again because the more that you can dial in on what's a standard, what's a value that you would do anything for and what's that reason behind it. So for me you heard the story about my dad and that's why impact is my standard. I'm talking to a lot of speakers and beyond out here in this podcast, so let me just share a stat and then I'll share how I want you to apply this. I surpassed last year's revenue by mid-April of this year and I'm not bragging about it, I'm just telling you. It's because I committed to a process going into the year and saying I'm gonna live by my core standard, my strongest value of impact. So I created a process.

Paul Epstein: 40:03

Every morning I wake up at four o'clock so and then kiddo 7 am, so I've got a three-hour window of peace in the morning and that's when I do my best work. So from four to 7 am, I made a commitment to myself I'm gonna plant five seeds of impact every morning Little tough to call people Normally I say phone calls, texts and emails, but let's just say it's five outbound connection points. I'm planting five seeds of impact that set up calls, days, weeks, months later, and all of those relationships, all of those seeds of impact blossomed into opportunities, into stages, into impact. And so I share this, because I never did it to achieve a revenue goal. That's what I did two years ago and it was a very unfulfilling process. But when I got married to my strongest standard, my value of impact, all of a sudden the roses started to smell a little bit better, waking up became a little bit easier and I was just ready to attack the day.

Paul Epstein: 40:59

This was like impact was better than the caffeine. It's better than the coffee. Like it was like this is authentically me, and I had these moments of thinking like wow, this could be viewed as a sales process. I view it as just a tactical example of making my dad proud and, as a result, we're gonna inspire and impact more lives because of the commitment to this process, and this process is fueled by my core standard of impact. So what is that standard for you? Create a process to get on more stages, eventually impact more lives. That's where I wanna leave folks with is don't do it to make more money. Don't do it to look like a cool badass on social media. Do it because you're thinking of if I don't do this, I'm leaving impact on the table.

Carl Richards: 41:52

Wow, very powerful and a great conversation today. Paul Epstein, Thanks for being my guest today.

Paul Epstein: 41:58

Well, thank you so much for having me. And remember get out there and own the platform.